Sit Down. Shut Up.

Sit Down. Shut Up. Index | Son of a Mother! | Men are stupid.

I Wanna Be a Jerk.

The numero uno reason why we aren't getting any.

You want to know what pisses me off? Girls. What the hell is wrong with them? There are some compassionate, handsome, talented young guys who have the world laid out before them and they can't find a decent girl. And do you know why? Because they aren't jerks.

Babes love jerks. It's a fact. There's one girl at school who is unbelievably amazing in all of the aspects of life that Plato could think of. And whom does she go out with? The dumb jock who's a complete asshole to everyone. Sure... he's got biceps of titanium and rippling six pack. I mean, banging each other every night does get tiresome after a while right? (Not that I would actually know).

Maybe it's a problem with every guy because it certainly is mine. I'm average looking, talented and bright but I can't find a girl that's totally well rounded and hot as hell. And even when I do, either she's already involved, she can't date, she's in prison or she's dead.


What does a jerk have to offer? Do girls get a high knowing that her boyfriend is on some power trip? And while girls bitch about how guys are too aggressive, it sure seems to be a turn on for them. Maybe ass wipes just have all of the guts to go up to some hottie and pinch her butt. Is this what it's all about?

I'm pretty shitty with initiatives and I can't seem to make the right first moves. Alright, I admit it, every girlfriend I've had so far has hit on me first. And sure, a few girls like me but they aren't the right ones. Shit, I know all of the females reading this are screaming "chauvinist bastard" and believe me, I'm looking for personality. Personality is sexiest part of a woman.

Ok. I'm pretty content with my social life, but I'm always out to improve it. And it sure doesn't help when jerks just seem to do the biggest asshole things imaginable and all of a sudden they become these chick magnets. Hell, while I'm thinking about one girl, there's three of them clinging to a jerk like he was static cling.

To all of those girls out there, drop your boyfriend because we all know he's a loser. And start looking around for such qualities as... umm... intellect and respect.

Good guys finish last. I'm living proof.