Sit Down. Shut Up.

Sit Down. Shut Up. Index | SuperChick! | The Case

You Want The Truth?

Let me guess what you were thinking. "You can't handle the truth." Boy, have you been brainwashed.

Many of you have asked why the hell do I bother to bitch and cry about all of these stupid chicks, while I try to cover up the fact that all I want to do is to get laid.

I'm a guy. My whole world revolves around the female body.

Let me reword that.

I'm a guy. My whole imaginary world wishes to revolve around the female body.

And the fact is, go up to any guy, and truly ask him if he would get laid if he had the chance. If he says yes, there you have it. If he says no, either he's a choirboy or the Puberty Fairy hasn't paid him a little visit yet.

Firstly, it's not as if I only want to get laid. It's the fact that I see all of the wrong guys getting laid. Shouldn't we ban assholes from copulation??? I mean, you'd think those scientists would've thought up of a better target for DDT. Anyway, there isn't much wrong with me... besides self-denial, a rabid case of lice and that whole little spiel with the law enforcement. But seriously, it's true. Do you know how hard it is to find a girl who is both intellectual stimulating yet cool enough to know what a Mississippi Steamer is? (If you don't know, I envy you... Very much.)

Secondly, I'm everything but crying in my rants. If you actually thought about what I've said, you'd realize that these have been extremely rude, self-centered, pissed-off remarks that would scare a postal worker. And that's the way I like them.

Seriously, who couldn't be frustrated at the whole relationship equation? I mean, these chicks are tearing out their hair, and the guys are banging their heads off the wall. You'd think that with the both sides having mutual feelings, things would work out... right?

Hell no. Because some Aphrodite goddess was on PMS when she got involved with the world. And then she thought it would be funny to make dating chicks a piss-off adventure that usually ends up being some foggy vision in the bathroom of a remote bar.

Fine. Do you want to hear it? I'll admit it. I want to get laid. I want to meet an average looking chick, get into hours of lengthy, hilarious, intellectual conversation that will make her so unbearably sexy for any sane mind. Then when I realize that I'm not drunk or high, and that this is the chick that I've been waiting all of my life for, we'll have amazing sex. Really, is that too much to ask for?

But don't pretend that you've had a totally pure mind... you sicko.