Sit Down. Shut Up.

Sit Down. Shut Up. Index | You Want The Truth? | The Case Part II

The Case

She's a case in more than one way.

The Secret Files of Double-O-Grover:

Location: A Pepsi stand at a cultural fair

Suspect AKA Mrs. Chick: An amazingly beautiful 24-year-old, who looks like she's still 18. Lengthy, thick, deep brown hair with red highlights, slim face, body of a goddess and a belly jewel. Hollywood sexy, yet stylishly exotic.

Purpose: My case study is to further prove my rants. (By the way, if these daily entries don't line up perfectly, that's because I'm writing the same day as the observations were made.)

Day 1: Let me establish that this fair had many good looking chicks, but I think Mrs. Chick blew the competition out of the water. But then again, must I repeat that the most beautiful chicks are bitches? Let's just say that the only thing she said to me today was, "We need more ice."

First of all, I'm doing volunteer work selling Pepsi products and so is the rest of my co-workers. Volunteers are friendly. Volunteers are supposed to be so unusually friendly with each other that they make Pleasantville look more like The Village of the Damned. I got into many conversations with this dancer/martial arts expert, and an old guy who has given chosen me to be his next best friend. Even the coordinator and her boss liked me so much that I've heard enough "Thank Yous" to last me another year. Yet Mrs. Chick decides to say nothing to me. Bitch.

My officer has a first name, it's P-I-G-G-Y

Well I shouldn't complain... it's not as if I was handsome enough to talk to her in the first place. But what really pissed me off was that EVERYONE was hitting on her. I must admit, I was making a shitload of sales for this art organization only because I was unusually friendly to the customers. But Mrs. Chick was making even more sales than me. And she's a bitch! That further illustrates my rant "Men Are Stupid." Mrs. Chick was the gossip of our stand. So I decided that I would be a good sport and to benefit the welfare of the art community, I would take advantage of these male assholes and let her run the front all by herself.

It gets much worse. There were policemen checking her out! The reflective glasses that pigs use aren't for security reasons. It's to check out Mrs. Chick's ass. Not even exaggerating slightly, there were so many cops hanging around our booth that we had the TIGHTEST security of the whole fair. Not only that, one cop dared to give his number to Mrs. Chick. She told our group, "I might go out with him, but this whole summer I've been going out with too many guys." WHAT THE FUCK??? I've been here screaming my pants off about not having one successful date, and she's complaining about having too many?

For all of those average looking chicks out there who've always wanted a gorgeous guy... I deeply feel your pain. But then again, life's a bitch, and he'll probably end up being one too.

Boy, I saw this one coming.