There are very few individuals that I'll pick on. But Michael Jordan... the day Michael Jordan will shut the hell up will be the day I'll be a completely happy man.
That's right Mike. Sit down. Shut up.
Really. Who do you think you are anyway? When are you going to really retire? I know that you made Nike rich and all... congratulations to you. Whoop de doo. But come on? MCI 5 cent per minute long distance calls? Oh wait! You also enjoy showing off your Hanes whitey tightys. "When I play my basketball, I choose Hanes for that comfortable, relaxing fit." Or how about his BallPark Franks? Who cares if they plump when you cook them??? As far as the whole world knows... real meat doesn't get bigger when you cook them. Stupid asses. Then it's Gatorade. Then it's your own fricking line of batteries which are a buck more expensive than the rest because it has your stupid bald head endorsing the package.
But my question is... why the hell are you doing this for? You've got more money than my whole neighborhood makes in a decade. Would you sink that low to throw yourself in the spotlight?
Oh yes... let's not forget about your amazing acting career in Space Jam. Or how about that unbelievable no hit season in baseball? And now it's golf? GOLF? Mike, you can play basketball. And only basketball you stupid nimrod. Are you that cocky that you have to prove to the world how great you are?
Give up trying to be so cool.
By the way, Ball Park Franks suck.